Every time I think my life stinks and start to take things for granted, a higher power always has a way of putting things back into prospective for me....
So on this particular day, I am late taking the boys to preschool (again!). Getting twin boys out of the house ontime is no easy task you see. And of course I am cursing the car in front of me under my breath for not even going the speed limit. "Don't they see the sign - it says 30mph - jeesh!"..... Getting closer to the school now - but still not there..... All of a sudden I see a squirrel attempting to dash across the street. It darts towards the car in front of me and gets caught in the tire. Spinning around once and then just dropped onto the pavement - still as a statue. He is dead. Just lying there where 2 seconds before he had been so full of life and determined to get his little furry body across the street. "How sad", I say to myself. Then out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of what can only be described as something even sadder than the lifeless squirl lying on the pavement. I see a round brown object rolling accross the street in the same direction that the squirrel was traveling, and come to a stop after hitting the curb. "Oh my goodness, it is his nut.", I exclaim sadly. The nut that he had treasured and held so snuggly in his mouth just kept rolling on without its owner to carry it any longer.
And then it hits me - and my mind is taken back to the time when my Grandmother passed away and one minute she is alive, and the next she is gone. And the world and everything in it just kept on going - just like the nut. I wonder how my life would go on without me in it. How sad I would be to be gone and missing everything and everyone. And then this song comes on the radio ( I am listening to a country station which I hardly ever do...). It is a song that talks about an older man whose children are grown and he goes around telling all the frustrated mommies ,"You're gonna miss this". How they will miss all the messes, all the driving around, all the silly jokes and dirty sticky hands.
And then all I can do is give thanks to above for giving me all of these messages, signs, what have you. For this moment of grattitude, which will soon be replaced with me wrangling my boys through the halls of school and trying to get them to class with 2 backpacks, 2 coats, and all their limbs intact. And I think to myself, "Will I miss this?". And I then I think I just might....
You see these boys are very challenging, but they are my last children. And everyone puts so much emphasis on all of the firsts in children's lives. But no one really tells you to remember all the "lasts". It is hard to recognize the "lasts" in our children's lives. But when I realize that this is the last time my child might do something - the last time they wear their favorite army pants, or their stinky rubber boots for the 1000th time - and I get a little sad. Sad knowing that I will never again feel the squirmyness of a child in my belly, or enjoy the rhythmic dance of my babies chest on my chest, their breath totally in sync with mine. And then I hear the words of my mother playing over and over in my head, "they grow so fast"... And I am sad, really sad.
But then I peek into the classroom window, and see my boys so full of joy and enjoying thier day. And I remember that I still have so many firsts and lasts to share with them. And for that, I am truly grateful.
Please give an extra hug to the ones you love, and try to have a happy day no matter what you are facing at this very moment. Because whatever it is, you are better off than the squirrel and his nut.